A walk with my sister that turned into a walk down memory lane

The other day I was talking to my sister Amber. She is one of my favorite people in the world. We decided to go for a walk. In the midst of this walking we started talking about my mom. We talk about her frequently, but this time we were really talking about the end of her life instead of just how much we miss her and wish she were here.

I wish someone would have told me how much I would regret not spending more time with her. I was 17 when she was diagnosed with cancer and 19 when she finally passed away. I moved away for three months of that time and did not see her at all. When I finally did see her I moved home about two weeks later, because I did not realize how bad it was getting.

Here is the thing, my mom was a devout christian. I never thought she was going to die. I 100% believed that she was going to be healed. That is all we were aloud to talk about. We were never to talk about the possibility of death-most of the people in our lives at the time were telling us that if we talked about death it would demonstrate our doubt.

Being in a place where you are confronted with death daily, but don't believe it is going to happen is, well, odd. I think one of the reasons I did not spend more time around the house is because I never thought she was going to die.

The second reason is because I was in high school, and just getting out of high school and I was selfish. I did not want to hang out with my family, I wanted to be with my friends.

All this being said, while walking with my sister the other day she and I both really wish that someone had told us to get our heads out of our a** and spend time with our mom. Nothing else matters from those two years other than the time spent with my mom.

I know it is worse now because I am getting married soon, and I don't really get to see my sisters a whole lot lately. I just wish my mom were here now.