Blog- Fail

Life has been nothing short of hectic.

*Started taking a couple classes to keep me motivated in the unemployment (perhaps not the best choice anymore...).

*The husband is gone on a fire. He left Thursday, September 9th. He doesn't have phone service, so I have only talked to him 2 or 3 times.

*Family drama to be discussed in another blog posting

* Wedding and work drama to be forgotten forever

*It has been a very difficult month for me. I am physically and emotionally drained. I have a perpetual feeling of, I don't know how else to describe it other than drowning.

The day Steve left for the fire I went and saw Eat, Pray, Love with a girlfriend. I enjoyed the book but did not know what to expect of the movie. Their is a Neil Young song in the movie that I have been thinking about since.

"Heart Of Gold"

by: Neil Young

I want to live,

I want to give

I've been a miner for a heart of gold.

It's these expressions

I never give

That keep me searching for a heart of gold

And I'm getting old.

Keeps me searching for a heart of gold

And I'm getting old.

I've been to Hollywood

I've been to Redwood

I crossed the ocean for a heart of gold

I've been in my mind,

it's such a fine line

That keeps me searching for a heart of gold

And I'm getting old.

Keeps me searching for a heart of gold

And I'm getting old.

Keep me searching for a heart of gold

You keep me searching for a heart of gold

And I'm growing old.

I've been a miner for a heart of gold.

The Non-Wedding Weekend

Four years ago, on March 28th, my then old-man who was hitting on me, became my boyfriend.

Three years ago, on March 28th, we were in Napa,wine tasting, celebrating our one year anniversary.

Two years ago, on March 28th, we were having a quiet evening at home.

One year ago, on March 28th, my favorite person in the world was asking me to spend the rest of my life with him, in the back of a limo in Sausalito, on a hill over looking the Golden Gate Bridge.

Tomorrow, March 28th, was when we were supposed to get married. That is until we were informed that the catholic church does not perform weddings over lent. Grrr...

I think I am mostly happy that the wedding got moved up, there are a few things that make me sad though. 1) Would have been cool to have a wedding on the anniversary. OK, on second thought that might be the only reason I would be sad. I was kind of hoping that it would be really rainy and stormy this weekend so that I would feel even better about getting married on the most perfect day that anyone could ask for in January. Well, I am sure a certain someone would like it to be 80 degrees just one year on her birthday, but considering it is the middle of winter, it was the most perfect day that I could ask for.

It was a tough choice moving it up. I had to get permission from my partner in crime to take over her birthday and our anniversary (me and her, not me and the husband...)

I am thankful we changed the wedding because 1) It is all over, and let me tell you, I was done dealing with it all. 2) The husband is never allowed to say the wedding was all about me, because, I changed the date I wanted, and made his ceremony the official ceremony. You know why, because I am a GOOOOOD wife.

I must point out, that at one point after both ceremonies were over, Mr. Baran informed me that the second ceremony, aka my ceremony, aka the cool ceremony, was way better, and perhaps we should have only had one. In translation- my ceremony was way better than the catholic ceremony, and the whole reason we changed the wedding date.

Our big plans for the non-anniversary, non-wedding weekend is to have a date night.

BTW, I plan on celebrating March 28th every year, even though it is no longer our "big day." I think one more reason to celebrate is never a bad thing.

Wedding Pictures, Part 5 (Reception)

This is after the first dance, our beautiful ending pose...

Cleaning cake off of his face after feeding it to him.

This is just before the toast got started. It also show my rad cake in the foreground. A friend carved the topper, and Steve made all of the rounds. Very cool.

I am not exactly sure at what point during the evening this took place, but it is a funny random picture.

For those who would like to see all 500+ pictures from the evening go here: http://steveandcelestewedding.shutterfly.com

To everyone else, hope you have enjoyed the few I have shown you. It truly was a magical day.

Wedding Pictures, Part 4 (Coffill Park Ceremony)

Well, the officially husband and wife hours before, the second ceremony first kiss, if you know what I mean

While passing us down the ring (Steve's not mine) it fell to the ground below the stairs. My nephew Jeshua found it, so I am giving him a hi-five here after he found the ring.

My good friend Ashley performing the second ceremony.

Steve celebrating with his dad in the background. I don't think I have ever seen him do this, and I am glad we got it in photo form so that I actually got to see it.

Wedding Pictures, Part 3 (aka Catholic Ceremony)

The Catholic Ceremony. Here is everyone in the wedding (from left to right): Rob, Caleb, Jeff M., Jeff B (Steve's bro), Steve, Me, Amber, Michaelyn, Heather and Brook. (No kids in this pic, I will post one of all of the kids later)

Steve and I after the Catholic Ceremony.

Walking back down the aisle after officially becoming, "man and wife."

The first official kiss as husband and wife.

I have more pictures to post, but no time today, so it will probably happen tomorrow. I hope you enjoy what is up there so far.

Wedding Pictures, Part 2

All of these pictures were taken at my dad and Heidi's house, once again, before the wedding.

I will now, forever, be a redneck since I was driven up to the wedding in a backhoe. It is still one of my favorite things about the wedding though.

My brother and sisters with their kids. Left to right: Caleb (brother) and Brayden (his son), me, Jenica is below me, my nephew Jo, Sister Michaelyn, nephew Jeshua, Amber (sister), and her son Bradley.

One more pic of the family.

Me and Steve, I think this picture is awesome. I have about ten of these where I am trying to not laugh because he was totally breathing on my neck the whole time.

Wedding Pictures, Part 1

These pictures were all taken at my work on the morning of the wedding. It is because of all of these (plus many more) that I had to get my butt out of bed at 6am on the morning of the wedding. Really could not have asked for a more perfect day, especially in January.

Two and a half weeks down, the rest of my life to go

Got back from the honeymoon in Cancun on Monday, and finally back to work today, ugh.

I wish I had lots of fun and clever pictures to post here from the honeymoon, and believe me, we took many... They are not posted today because on the last night in Cancun the camera was lost, most likely for forever. Very, very sad. So, here are some descriptions about pictures that should be here, but unfortunately will probably never be seen by an English speaking person again.

First Pic: Here I am with a beer in one hand holding up my watch. My watch says 8. It is 8am and we are in first class (a honeymoon splurge) and decided to a have a beer to get the honeymoon going. Steve was so proud...

Second Pic: Our beautiful room overlooking the ocean. Look there in the corner, that is our spa tub for two that was out on the deck. It was wonderful.

Third Pic: This was taken on his birthday, Feb. 11th. It is both of our favorite day from the honeymoon. This is from when we went out to a wonderful dinner at a restaurant that I cannot pronounce. It was awesome though. Earlier this day we had some excellent fish tacos in Isla Mujeres at a restaurant that I did not even look at the name... I am wearing by beautiful green skirt and a black tube top, he is wearing dress pants and a long sleeve blue button up shirt, in case you were wondering.

Fourth Pic: This is our last night in Cancun. It is also Valentine's Day. This is a big deal because it is the first time in our relationship (pre or post marriage) that we have been together on the actual day, February 14th. I am wearing my new favorite dress from bebe. We went on a pirate cruise ship and ate lobster.

You might actually see a picture from this, because when we realized we lost the camera I made him not change when we got back to the hotel and we grabbed the cheap under-water camera we bought and had the guy at the front desk take a picture of us, since it was so late no one else was around. It will be another week before me, or anyone else sees those pictures though.

Other than losing the camera the honeymoon was completely wonderful, well, I wish it would have been a little longer too, but, oh well. I am sure you are all completely intrigued by all of my descriptions... Man do I have a way with the English language. I am sure I probably would have posted a miscellaneous picture of us on the beach or by the pool, but none of those are sticking out in my mind enough to describe them at all, other than, this is me and Steve by the pool (or beach).

For those interested, I just got the disk with all of the pictures from the wedding. Unfortunately, the disk drive on my computer at work is not working, and I only have dial-up at home. So, until I get to a coffee shop or some other place with high-speed internet access with my laptop you will have to anxiously wait. When I finally do post them, I am sure it will include a link to shutterfly or snapfish so that they will all be viewable (there are about 500+).

W-Day Wrap-Up Part 1

This is the first picture I have seen of the wedding day. This is at about 9am when Steve and I were heading off to take pictures. I think I got about 15 minutes sleep the night before.

A few W-Day Highlights for those who missed it:

Staying at the B&B

Being able to have the ceremony at Coffil Park

Driving up in a Backhoe

The ring dropping at the Park

The Unity Candle not lighting

Steve telling everyone that he spanks me (hilarious and humiliating)

Steve holding back the tears during the catholic ceremony

Steve's parents during the reception

Sharing a glass of wine and some hummus with Steve while taking out 100+ bobby pins out of my hair after everyone else had gone to bed

Steve calling me Mrs. Baran as we were going to bed

A thousand other little moments in between them all

It was a completely wonderful day. I have no regrets with any of it. More pictures will be posted once I get them. I am so thankful that we have the week of normal life before the honeymoon in Cancun. I can't imagine it any other way. We had more time to visit with friends and family that we rarely get to see, as well as get all of the gifts situated and clean the house, so it is homey when we get home, instead of a disaster area like it has been all week.

What does one do...

When they are getting married in three days, well, I am at work (unfortunately). I can only afford to take of so much time off...

I am losing sleep, and when I am sleeping it is really wierd and crazy dreams about the wedding. I am losing sleep out of nervousness that I have forgotten to do something.

Short version of my schedule:

Tonight-in-laws get into town. Dinner with my dad, step-mom, Steve's parents, and, of course, Steve and myself.

Tomorrow- Get the keys to the opera hall in am, go get mani's and pedi's after that with some of the ladies, cook dinner for Steve's Texas family at my sister-in-laws house, more time with my ladies after that.

Friday- Decorate hall in am, and the rehearsal in pm with the rehearsal dinner following.

Saturday- Up at 6, ready by 8:30 or 9. Pictures until 1:30, 1st wedding at 2, 2nd wedding at 5, Party the night away.

Sunday-Cleaning hall in am, Steve wants to open presents after that, but I am not as committed as he is, super bowl party with anyone that is left in town.

So that is it in a nut-shell, and all of this is why I probably won't post again until next week. There are about a thousand small errands I have to do in-between everything else. I still don't know how someone is supposed to savor the moment in the midst of all the other chaos, hopefully I will have it figured out by the end though. Well, wish me luck.

A Vote

This is A. This is the second hair style that my sister-in-law did on my hair for wedding prep. This is the hairstyle my sister-in-law and little sister like. I should say that either way the bun is done, the swirly hair clip (below) is going to be on the side of my head, not in the back center.

This is B. This is what gave me hope that my sister-in-law could do my hair for the wedding. They also want to do little diamond pins around the curly bun either way. So, what do you think, A or B?

Today

I keep going through all of my lists, my calendar, and my mind trying to think of if I have forgotten anything. I don't think I have, but I just don't know for sure.

I was also wondering if Obama was counting down the days until he was sworn in... That one I will probably never know. At least if I have missed anything it will turn up, now, W-Day, or never.

An Angel

Today marks 15 days until W-Day. That is just an FYI for those keeping tabs.

Yesterday a friend came over for dinner who used to be a wedding planner. She offered to help a while ago and I was kind of slacking on giving her a call. I saw her at a retirement party this last weekend, and finally set-up the dinner appointment.

My plan was to just have her tell people when to walk down the aisle and stuff like that, since I have no one and I have done 98% of the planning of this blessed event (the firefighter likes to claim the other two percent). I printed up the wedding weekend schedule and was running over the whole thing with her, as well as the plan for the actual ceremony.

Her first question- If I have any vendors that are slacking that she needs to call up and give them a what-for....

My response- Are you seriously going to be the jerk for me on the wedding (in my mind Praise the Lord)

She then offered to do way more than I expected, including figure out the best way to set up the room for the reception to have the most seats/comfortably/without to many paths crossing...

After that she realized that Steve and I will be assisting with the clean-up the day after the wedding. This was unacceptable to her, and she has taken it upon herself to find a few more people, in the midst of the people who have already been coerced into doing it, to help with the cause so that we don't have to.

At this point, I could have kissed her.

This angel of mine is going to make the W-Day go a thousand times smoother, and has already taken a pile of stress of my shoulders that was exponentially building by the day.

Are you getting nervous yet?

This is a question that I am already getting tired of. My usual response is that, "I try not to think about it." It is not me just putting people off because I am getting tired of the question, it is also currently me method for dealing with any nervousness that comes my way. Part of me feels like this is a juvenile response by myself to the stress of getting married, the other part says, "Well, it's working." The way I see it, we already live together, and we have for a while. Nothing in my life is going to change, other than my last name, and that is something that is totally different, and worthy of a separate post. So, if nothing is going to change, at least for the time being, and I am happy with my life the way it is now, why should I fret?

Probably nearly as often, but for a lot longer, people have also been asking "Are you excited?" My sarcastic response would be something along the lines of, "Do you think I would be getting married if I were not..." The truth is, I am not excited. When I tell (a few) people this, they begin to rationalize with me. "Oh, you will be when it gets closer..." "Well, at least you are smiling..." I am really OK with not being excited about it. As Ms. B.e.A. says, "I am happy," and you know what, I am happy. Life is good. I think I got so caught up in the beginning with the idea of being engaged and the idea of getting married that it almost got the best of me. If we were to start planning it all over tomorrow, I don't think I would do a lot different, but I would do a few things differently. Things that would, perhaps, alleviate some stress now.

It is kind of funny, my firefighter and I were talking the other day about getting married, and it has almost become a means to an end at this point. Don't be fooled, we love each other, truly, madly, deeply. The wedding at this point just makes the love we have had for each other for years more official in the eyes of many, and for that, and many other reasons, I am happy to be getting married.

A Picture

This is my niece Jenica (who is also the only flower girl in my wedding) taking a picture of me, and my sisters Amber and Michaelyn. This picture was provided courtesy of my step-sister Hope. I think this picture is great, and I just wanted to share it with all of you. According to theknot.com it is 26 days until the wedding, just to keep everyone posted on that front as well. My calendar is starting to fill up with everything that I have to do in the next month. There is time, I am just trying to not overwhelm myself with it all. I tried on my dress on Saturday after it got altered and it fits perfectly, now they are going to press it and I will pick it up the day before the wedding. I could bore you all with the details of everyone I have to meet with in the next month, but it really is boring, even for me and it is my wedding.

Grateful

Well, I have friends e-mailing be about wedding fun, one with "wedding fever." This makes me very excited because I don't have many people in my life that are into the whole wedding thing- I am grateful to have a few people who care and are helping. Thanks

Wedding Hair

So, I think it is finally official. I have a wedding hair style. Let me tell you that it did not come a moment to soon either. Had I had another bad hair style from my sister-in-law we might have come to blows. Way to much drama surrounding hair.

So, this is how the hair looks from the back. My hair piece is freaking awesome, but I don't think it is going to go on the back of my head like we did it here, instead it is going to go on the side. That is the way I first saw it when I decided to get the hairpiece, and I think that is the way that I like it best. So it is going on the side of my head.

This picture does not do justice for how cool it looks. It took two hours to do it all, so it looks like there will be no escaping me getting up at 6 am on D-Day.

All for the price of beauty too...

For those who are wondering, I am not wearing a veil. This is it for the flash and flare. I am not wearing a necklace either, I am just going to wear some dangle earrings and call it good. Even though the hair style does not show it, I am in fact a simple girl.

100 Days

Well theknot.com has just informed me that there are 100 days until the wedding. This is good because there is still big chunk of this shin-dig that I need to pay for. There is a part of me that just wishes the party were here. It is nothing about being married or spending the rest of my life with Steve... all that is already going to happen. I am looking forward to a party I have been planning for the last six months and will continue to plan for the next 100 days.

Mostly though, I am just trying to enjoy being engaged. I only have 100 days left of something I will never experience again. I don't know exactly how to enjoy it though. The stress, the emotions, and the frustrations are all part of this period of life, but how do I enjoy what else is going on??? How do I even recognize the little tid-bits that only occur when one is engaged?

Registering

Well, we finally went and did it when Steve was home this last weekend. I have been looking forward to this moment for months now. I have a small joy when I go over to someones' house who has been married for ten or twenty years and they pull out something that you find out later was a wedding present. It is a fun little walk down memory lane. So, we decide to go to Bed, Bath and Beyond first.

Problem One: Steve and I have a lot of stuff already. We don't NEED new towels, or plates, or any of these things. This is fine for Steve. However, I am more of the opinion that I don't like our plates, and eventually we will NEED new towels and everything else, so we might as well register for them and get them for free instead of buying them later.

Problem Two: I am much more into entertaining than Steve is. So I want to register for things that are mainly used when there is company, and for quantities that you need when you have company. Steve does not see the point of serving dishes, fun glasses and goblets and things like this.

So, after an hour or two of walking around and compromise we were both exhausted. We get back to the front of the store and the girl is amazed that we registered so quickly, and she is pleased with the amount of items on our registry. Thank God.

I was not in the mood for any more registering after this. I have gone on line and adjusted a few items without Steve's watchful eye on me. I also set up a registry for him at Lowe's. Very exciting, and I think that is going to be it for our registry. Not very exciting, but it is done, and there is some good stuff on there.