The Ocean...

The ocean brightens my soul. I love it. I don't get to see it very often, in fact, the last time I went to the ocean was on my honeymoon last January. So, one of the benefits of our massive road trip, that I am sure I will be talking more about, is that on the way home the husband and I drove by the ocean.

The husband pondering it all...

Ahhh... The Ocean.

Oh yeah, and Happy New Year!

Something to Consider this Holiday Season

When I opened my yahoo this morning, one of the things that come up was a Time Magazine article about the "Church Group that Attacks Christmas Commercialism." I read the article and was intrigued. I am one of those Christians that use Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas interchangeably. I realize that other people have beliefs about the Christmas Season, and I respect those beliefs. This article brought it into a new light for me. The commercialism that surrounds Christmas does bother me. I then went and looked up the website Advent Conspiracy and checked out the video that they referred to in the article. It is a cool video, with good things to say. Rather than just saying how people that are attacking Christmas are evil, it brings it home a little more, saying we are part of the problem (with the commercialism). They are trying to get clean water to third world countries. It sounds like a good thing. Check it out if you would like.

la la land

In true Angle/Baran (Johnson) form, we did not take a picture in LA until moments before I was to leave. So, we had the cute bartender/waiter at The Counter take one for us.

-The Highs-

A Weekend with my favorite Brook e.

Cabaret

Christmas Shopping

Meeting the Non-Boyfriend

Who now thinks I hate him... (Don't worry, I don't)

Sushi

The Actor/Waiter

3 days of FUN

-The Lows-

Traffic- Took us 4 hours for a trip that would have normally taken one hour

A co-worker of Ms. Angle who I had to chew out... and finally just walk away all because of a boy, who had a "Connection" with Ms. Angle

The boy, was also a Jerk, from my perspective

No husband to be a part of the fun

Knowing that Ms. Angle and Ms. Baran do not live nearly close enough to each other

Overall, I had a completely fabulous weekend, and loved (almost) every minute of it.

The Little Things

I know there are a lot of big things that help make a marriage work, but it is also a lot of little things.

The little things, like the husband who makes my tea while I am in the shower, then takes a shower, then goes outside into the cold to shovel the snow from around my car, scrapes the snow off of my car, and gets it started so it is nice and warm by the time I am ready to leave. Through the winter, he does these things consistently, and I remember again and again why I love him.

On a completely different note, he has never once read my blog, which is fine with me. I don't think he even knows the URL. I think he would be embarrassed if he ever did.

An Unfortunate Side of the Holidays

As I stated yesterday, I love, love, love Christmas. However, there is one thing that I do not like about Christmas...

The one thing that I don't like about Christmas is the carols. I do like carols in limited quantities, however, this being the third of December, I have heard them every place that I have gone, including work, since November 29th. It is just way to much to me. There is still 22 more days to endure of Christmas Carols EVERYWHERE! It is way to much of a good thing in my book.

The Holiday Season

I love Christmas. I love buying presents. I love wrapping presents. I love being with family. I started my Christmas shopping probably two months ago. Love it. Love it. Love it.

Now, the holiday season is here with all of the chaos it brings... Here is a little bit about what I have going on in the next month...

Thursday 12/3- Leave for LA (also lovingly referred to as la la land)
Sunday 12/6-Return from LA
Saturday 12/12- Johnson Family Christmas
Sunday 12/13- Wedding at Work
Friday 12/18- Drive to Redding
Sunday 12/20- Drive to Eugene, OR to be with the Baran Family
Wednesday 12/23- Drive someplace else in OR... The in laws are planning this... I don't have a lot of details, but it should be fun.
Thursday 12/24- Back to Eugene and go to Midnight Mass-I've wanted to do this every year, and I told the husband that, yes, this is the year. Plus this way the husband and I will get to sleep in a little longer on Christmas morning instead of going to mass with the family (yeah right, but it is a nice idea).
Friday 12/25- Christmas
Saturday 12/26 or Sunday 12/27- Head back to Cali
Tuesday 12/29- Back to work : (
Thursday 12/31- Amazingly my work is not having any events this year, so I actually get New Years Eve off... I have not come up with any fun ideas yet about what to do, let me know if you have any suggestions...

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Newest Favorite Cocktail

So, while at my cousin's house the day before Thanksgiving and just hanging out... His wife made me and my sister a cocktail... Rum with Pineapple Juice. Let me tell you, this little delectable delight is fabulous. It is so good the husband even made one for himself last night, and he does not normally drink cocktails (although, he did not put it in the martini glass like I would have done had I been making myself one)... So, next time you are feeling brave and want to try a new cocktail, give this one a try.

A rare weekend

I had the very rare weekend off this last weekend. Turns out you get caught up doing everything else you would have done on days off, except, I got to see people. I got to take my niece to coffee... actually hot chocolate, I got to have my family over for dinner (well, those that showed up), and I got to go out with the husband, and his good friend... We still had a good time.


I am hoping to have another date night with him tonight. The winery where we are wine club members is having a special wine pairing at the Diamondback tonight. Should be a good time. We are wine club members at Hatcher Winery. For anyone who loves wine, I kid you not, it is heaven. Truly, when I die and go to heaven and am at whatever banquet table I heard about in Sunday School growing up, I hope they serve Hatcher wine. For anyone who loves hamburgers, you really should go to the Diamondback if ever in my little town, it has very good food. Another fun fact is that my dad calls it the Snake Pit... and I often hear many of his friends referring to it by the same name. My dad often does this to things. For instance, at dinner last night he asked me if I had a blueberry. I replied, no dad, I don't have a blackberry, I am anti spending that much money a month on a phone. Oh, he knows it is a blackberry, but he always calls it a blueberry.


So, in other weekend news, as much fun as it is seeing everyone, it is also nice having those "weekends" where I do laundry and dishes, and pretty much sit on my butt all day long watching wife-swap or any other random programs that are on in the middle of the day while everyone else is at work.

A good night

You ever have those moments where you feel old? Well, I do. One of the main reasons is because the husband and I are love Food Network. I kid you not, a fabulous night for us would be sitting and watching Diners, Drive-In's and Dives or Good Eats. However, by far our favorite is...

Sunday nights, therefore, might be one of our favorite nights of the week. Football all day long and Iron Chef America that night. We are also into the Next Iron Chef, but it is not even close to our love for Iron Chef America.

Though we love it so much, it does make me feel old. We seriously spend the evening with our feet kicked up in our love seat/ recliners and watch food network all night long. If this is making me old, I embrace it whole heatedly.

Wine-O

I am a wine-o, and not that I am proud of it, but it just happened. Wine, is probably my favorite beverage in the world (even though I drink a lot more water than wine).

All that being said, Southwest was having a sale, so I just purchased tickets to go to la la land and visit my favorite island girl. Partly because she has driven to my world so much lately and partly (hmmm.. mostly) because she made me promise that I would come see her in LA before I got knocked up again so that we could drink a bottle (perhaps more) of wine together.

This island girl shares my love for wine, and last time she was up realized I was pregnant about 1 minute after she arrived when she started having a glass of wine, and I politely declined and said I would stick with water that night.

Gosh darn friends, it is impossible to keep secrets from them.

The Week of (Expletive Here)...

Since, pretty much the only people that read my blog are people that I know, love and trust, I am going to open up a little more than I normally would on my blog. I am not posting any of this on my facebook, because, well, I don't want everyone on facebook to know the In's and Out's of my last week.

So, let us first start a little earlier.

Steve and I found out on September 2nd that I was pregnant. We were both very excited (obviously)
For the last month I have been "enjoying" the misery that is the first tri-mester. I was not actually enjoying it at all. I hated feeling sick all of the time.
Steve left for a fire hoping to miss the rest of the season that I was "enjoying" so much.
Last Monday, October 5th, I had an appointment with the OB/GYN in the morning before I went to work.
I was just about 9 weeks along, and the baby was measuring 8 1/2 weeks. No big deal at first.
No big deal, until the Doctor realized that our baby did not have a heart beat.
This is where there were many expletives in my mind, but I will spare you all of those.
This is also where I was trying to keep myself calm and not have a mental break-down in the doctors office.
So, the doctor said that the baby should definitely have a heart beat by how big it was measuring, so I had two options-
1. Have a natural mis-carriage
2. Have a D&C
Still expletives in my mind, and now being less effective staying calm in the doctors office.
Had to make a decision in the next hour
While remaining at the hospital to get blood work done
Tried to call my husband. Tried calling one of his good buddies at the Forest Service. Finally had to go through the emergency dispatch number I have never called to have them call the forest where that he was on for the fire.
I am completely breaking down at this point.
Wait for my sister to show up and will Steve to call.
Call my mid-wife and will Steve to call.
Get blood work done and will Steve to call.
Walking out to my truck in a daze not knowing what to do next, and Steve finally calls.
We made the decision to have a D&C.
Call the doctor to schedule the operation for the next morning.
A lot of info just a blur here.
Steve finally makes it home about 7 or 8pm that night.
Lots more crying/emotions/expletives.
Tuesday morning have the procedure.
Tuesday get pampered all day by the love of my life.
The last week trying to keep to ourselves mostly.

Why the D&C
- I was not having any symptoms of mis-carrying yet.
-The idea of waiting weeks not knowing when it would happen and knowing I would not be able to participate in my life during that time, because I would be stressed and anxiously waiting the whole time
-The idea of having our dead baby inside of me for weeks
-My doctor and mid-wife both said it was a fine option
-Steve and I were already emotionally pushed to the limit, drawing those emotions on even longer, waiting for the inevitable, sounded like a slow and painful death.

It is surreal.
This is the exact reason why we did not tell anyone about the pregnancy. Yet, I never imagined, in one million years, that it would happen to us.
I have always known that a mis-carriage was a big deal, but no one ever really says what a big deal it is. How it pulls on your emotions. How attached you have become to the baby in the weeks/months that you have known about it.

For now, we are both at work, and just dealing with it the best we know how. It is still sucky, and we are definitely not OK yet. It feels kind of like a gaping whole inside of my soul. I know we will be OK eventually, and I long for that day.

Thankful

Today.

Today I am thankful.

It often seems that there is chaos all around, but I am solid.

The husband and I are solid when so many relationships around us are not that fortunate.

I do not have enough delusions to think it will always be this way,

but as for today, I am thankful.

The Planner

I am the planner in my family. Probably just one more reason I am currently working as an event coordinator.

Anyways, I started talking to my family a month ago about Thanksgiving, to which my sister-in-law replied, "Celeste-Pie, already!"

Here is why I plan early- Family is very important to me, and no matter how early I plan, they still flake out... Whenever, I wait to plan, everyone acts as if they have had the plans forever. I have this hope that if I plan early enough, and remind everyone, that perhaps they will all show. Thanksgiving will be the next test for this theory. Only time will tell if my theory will be proven, or, if yet again, it will be dis-proven.

I view myself as realistic and well as optimistic. Therefore, I doubt very much that everyone will show, however, I keep the hope alive.

September brings...

The husband on a fire
More chaos at work
And a bestest coming to town tonight! I am very excited.

We finally got the video back from our wedding the other day.

For those who don't know we got married twice in one day.

The first ceremony was all good and fine...

Dignified, like a catholic ceremony should be.

The second ceremony was... well...

the main thing is that I was giggling.

The whole time.

Giggling like a school girl.

I blame it on getting about

one hour sleep the night before.

Still...

The husband said it is not bad,

but, my goodness.

The Husband

He is a good man.

I told him that he could go on a fire because he has

only been gone one week so far this year and,

lets face it, that is a big part of our income...

So, I told him he could go and miss my sister's wedding.

The wedding is this Saturday.

He got a call this last weekend to go,

and he turned it down.

Why? He knew I would be disappointed if he were not there.

He knew I would need the support.

He is a good man.

August

August, just might be from the devil this year. Well, at least that is what I decided yesterday. Here is the month so far:

-A very close friend of mine is having heart problems in the hospital and has been there for over 3 weeks
-A sister with a concussion and a night in ICU
-Another close friend just found out her grandfather has cancer
-Worst bride ever in the last week
-No end in sight

This means I have spent more time in the hospital in the last few weeks than I have in my whole life put together. One in SF and one in Modesto. I think of Dorey from Finding Nemo: "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..." So far, I'm keeping my head above water. Please pray that those affected even more directly find the strength... It is tough.

It begins

Smokey has finally left, and fire season has started, even though it officially started over two months ago.

Smokey is on the Knights Fire, which is very close to where we live, and makes it kind of weird. He is working from 4pm-7:30am. Since he is so close to home he decided to come home during the day and sleep rather than sleeping outside in the heat. I'm happy for him that he gets to come home everyday, but I rarely get to see him.

I think him coming home every day makes it a little tougher on me, at least emotionally. I leave before he gets home, and he is gone by the time I get home from work. I only see the remnants of him. Dirty dishes and clothes, and every now and then a little love note. He called me this morning as he was eating breakfast and getting ready to go to bed and asked among other things if I had done some laundry (FYI-I had done all the laundry)...

It feels like one of those movies, Serendipity is the first one that comes to mind, where the couple almost sees each other over and over again, but never do until the end of the movie. I don't like chick flicks like this. They are annoying and frustrating to me. Just so you know, it is also annoying and frustrating when it happens in real life. I don't know how couples do it who work different shifts all the time. They are stronger people that I am.

Smokey Bear

Not Smokey the Bear, as I have been informed by people who know... Anyways, here are the pictures of the husband dressed up as Smokey and throwing the first pitch for the Stockton Ports baseball game a few months ago...

The infamous first pitch

Smokey & Wife

Smokey with the sisters

Remember, "Only you can prevent forest fires."

A Fabulous Day

The husband and I finally had a day off together. It was truly the first time in probably two months.

What did we do on our day of fun...

Well, I borrowed a convertible from my padre and we drove up Sonora Pass. We packed a wonderful picnic and just kind of hung out all day. On the way home we stopped at a restaurant in Strawberry and had a cocktail and a few appetizers for dinner.

We read, we wandered, we ate, we cruised... It was wonderful, and I am very thankful that we got a chance to do it before fire season came with all of its chaos.

June in the land of Baran

June brings lots of weddings into my life. I am basically the wedding coordinator at my work now, and we have had four weddings so far this month, and I have two more to go. It has been very busy.

The husband however, is ready for fire. I realize that this may offend some of you, that he wants there to be fires, but it is what he loves. Going out and fighting fires is pretty much the perfect day to him. Plus he gets paid more money when he is out there doing it. By this time last year he was already gone, so it is driving him crazy that he is still around. I enjoy that he is home every night to cook me dinner though...

I am looking forward to...
Having two days off in a row (I keep crossing my fingers)
Having a day off with the husband (Probably won't happen until July, and maybe not at all depending on fires)
Helping my sister have a beautiful wedding

Random Thoughts

I don't care what you say, gnomes are creepy.

Quote of the Week

"Did you cry like a little girl?"

This is what my 9 year old niece

said to my husband after he told her

about sliding into home plate the night

before and hurting his hand.

It was awesome.

So...

Life is still crazy...

Therefore, posting has moved lower on the lists of priorities.

I do have pictures of Steve as Smokey Bear (if you say Smokey the Bear he gets mad, because apparently Bear is his last name, not a noun for what he is),

but I still cannot find the cord to take them off of the camera.

My little sister got engaged and is planning on getting married in August.

I am doing most of my bosses job who got fired, but I have yet to get a raise.

However,

In the midst of this

something made me smile today,

and I wanted to share.

This morning on my way to work

I gentleman who was in his late twenties

or early thirties

was walking down the main street

of my small hometown

and he was smoking a pipe.

Something about this just made me smile.

Welcome to Crazyville

Here is the last two weeks of my life in a nutshell...

Steve and I had a great time in SF. We cannot find the cord to our old camera, since we rarely use that camera. There was one night I would have broken up with him if we had only been dating, but, since we are no longer just dating, I got over it...

I found out that Steve will be throwing the first pitch for a Stockton Ports baseball game dressed up as Smokey the Bear in a couple weeks (for those who don't know, he works for the Forest Service). This might just turn into the highlight of my summer.

Finally, after much drama, my boss got fired yesterday, or in PC terms, due to re-structuring there is no longer need for her job. What this means-lots more work for me... Promotion? Raise? Only God knows. Right now I am just trying to clean up her mess.

So, like I said a few weeks ago, "The winds of change are always blowing."

Hrmph

Today, the receptionist is gone at my work so I am forced to sit at her desk, where I have zero of the programs I use on a regular basis. This all equals one very boring day in the land of C-Pie. I love that there is so much I could be doing at my desk or at home or anywhere else but her. So to that I say Hrmph!

There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. The husband and I are taking a long weekend to go to San Francisco, one of our favorite cities. So, even though I am frustrated now, the weekend will hold for me great food, shows, wine, and potentially a tour of Alcatraz since neither of us have ever taken one and we go to SF a couple times every year for a few days, aka, it might be time.

And no, I still have not taken the pictures off of my camera. In my regular life I have been very busy lately. Hopefully tonight though so that I can have an empty memory card by the weekend.

The weekend in la la land

Was completely wonderful.

I have pictures to share, but have been a little busy since getting back and have not had a chance to take them off of the camera. Don't get to excited we did not take pictures until we were at the airport and I was going to fly out in moments.

Interesting Note: I flew out of Long Beach this time, and going into that airport is like walking into a weird seventies movie. Seriously. For starters, it is really small. I wish I had taken pictures walking through the airport. You have to walk onto the tarmac to get on the plane. The whole place is just like walking through crazy world.

A Little Bit About Today

Today, at work, I am:
Packing my desk!

Why, you might ask?
Well, I shall tell you. They are moving my office upstairs. Well, my office, and my two bosses, and the banquet manager. So, instead of being downstairs with the administration people, all the events and banquet people are going to be upstairs above the tasting room. They are putting in the carpet today, and we move on Monday.

Then, I am leaving work early, because...
I am flying to La La Land. It is only hours until I will be with my bestest. Yeah!!!

And the weekend?
Who knows, the world is our oyster. Well, at least LA is our oyster.

April Fools Day

I am not a fan.

I have never been a fan of April Fools Jokes or really any practical joke.

So, I told the husband this morning that it is the first day of

celebrating my birthday month.

He told me it was all in my head.

I told him that I know, but my goal is to get it into his head too.

I'll let you know how it goes.

The Non-Wedding Weekend

Four years ago, on March 28th, my then old-man who was hitting on me, became my boyfriend.

Three years ago, on March 28th, we were in Napa,wine tasting, celebrating our one year anniversary.

Two years ago, on March 28th, we were having a quiet evening at home.

One year ago, on March 28th, my favorite person in the world was asking me to spend the rest of my life with him, in the back of a limo in Sausalito, on a hill over looking the Golden Gate Bridge.

Tomorrow, March 28th, was when we were supposed to get married. That is until we were informed that the catholic church does not perform weddings over lent. Grrr...

I think I am mostly happy that the wedding got moved up, there are a few things that make me sad though. 1) Would have been cool to have a wedding on the anniversary. OK, on second thought that might be the only reason I would be sad. I was kind of hoping that it would be really rainy and stormy this weekend so that I would feel even better about getting married on the most perfect day that anyone could ask for in January. Well, I am sure a certain someone would like it to be 80 degrees just one year on her birthday, but considering it is the middle of winter, it was the most perfect day that I could ask for.

It was a tough choice moving it up. I had to get permission from my partner in crime to take over her birthday and our anniversary (me and her, not me and the husband...)

I am thankful we changed the wedding because 1) It is all over, and let me tell you, I was done dealing with it all. 2) The husband is never allowed to say the wedding was all about me, because, I changed the date I wanted, and made his ceremony the official ceremony. You know why, because I am a GOOOOOD wife.

I must point out, that at one point after both ceremonies were over, Mr. Baran informed me that the second ceremony, aka my ceremony, aka the cool ceremony, was way better, and perhaps we should have only had one. In translation- my ceremony was way better than the catholic ceremony, and the whole reason we changed the wedding date.

Our big plans for the non-anniversary, non-wedding weekend is to have a date night.

BTW, I plan on celebrating March 28th every year, even though it is no longer our "big day." I think one more reason to celebrate is never a bad thing.

The Slumber Party

Saturday was the first time the firefighter and myself watched one of my nephews all night long. I have spent the night with my niece and nephews many times, but he has never been a part of this. He is usually gone on a fire or something.


The nephew we were watching was Amber's son Bradley. Here is a picture of Bradley at my wedding.

He is the cutest thing ever. He is going to be two on May 11 (7-11 how sweet is that), so he is finally starting to say some words we understand, and many we don't...

I could not have asked for a better kid to have the firefighters first child over-night experience. Last time Bradley stayed at my house he woke up 3 or 4 times throughout the night, one of those being when he rolled off the bed (even though I had pillows all around him).

This time, he was an angel. He cried for about 30 seconds when I laid him down, and then was just sucking his bottle. He slept all night, and did not wake up until about 8 am. Even then he did not cry or anything, I just heard him rustling around, and figured I would get him so SB could sleep a little longer.

So, the first night of a kiddie sleeping over, success! Victory is at hand.

An Epiphany

I had an epiphany on my way home form work the other day.

I realized that my job is changing me, and this is not

in the making me a better person kind of way.

No, this is in the I am more bitter, sarcastic,

and generally not as happy of a person

as I was a few months ago.

I cannot tell you how sad I was when I realized
this about myself. I have known for a while now that I
am not satisfied and happy with my job, but I resign myself
to be thankful that I have a job in the midst of the
current economy where to many people do not.

After realizing this about myself,

I realize it is time for a change.

Not a change in my job, not yet at least,

but a change in attitude.

I must remind myself how to guard my heart

in the midst of a less than positive atmosphere.

The sad part is, I don't really know

how to go about doing it.

My heart breaks

for the injustice and negative environment

I see all around me.

I truly would like to affect the environment around me

for a positive change, but how do I go about doing this?

I once prayed that my heart would be broken by the things that break the heart of God, and it has happened, it actually happend a long time ago. Now, I how do I protect my heart from these things and the emotions that follow. I feel the pain, now how do I help it change?

Mini Vacation

I just bought plane tickets to go visit my favorite

islandgirl

and I am very excited!

So, the weekend before my birthday it will be me

and my favorite leading lady.

She is also my soul mate,

as long as you don't tell my husband...

For my birthday I also bought myself a beautiful Steve Madden purse.

So, even though my Steve won't be with me in LA, another one will be.

Descriptions

I think that one of my problems with blogging is this whole description thing.

I notice how people write long narratives about a three minute encounter,

or vividly recall stories that are twenty years old,

recalling any scents, emotions, or inner thoughts.

This is just not something that I can do, well, at least not yet.

I do not possess the ability to talk in detail about a cute encounter with my

nephew or something wonderful that my husband did.

It is all just part of life, and I do not have the words to describe these things.

If I were a true blogger, I would have pictures to go along with these wonderful descriptions.

Well, even though I am not a true blogger I might have pictures if my

camera were not lost somewhere in Mexico.

P.S. I really do hope the camera is a blessing to whoever has found it.

The Weekend...

... involved lots of tasting of wonderful wine (I am a wine-o). We had other plans but when the vineyard called up that we are wine club members with, it all took a back seat to some wine. So good, so much fun.

The week ahead involves lots of meetings and a big event at my work this weekend.

Today-in my pursuit of avoiding a little work I am in search of artwork for the room in my house with the orange wall. I want some fall colored tree pictures.

Today is my niece's birthday, which reminds me of my mom. My mom used to always say things like, "Jenica is going to MARCH FOURTH into the future" or her life, or her destiny..." When I think of Jenica's b-day this is always the next thought in my mind.

Goals

So, the husband and I have decided it is time to be more actively involved,

in the community and in life.

We have set up a few goals for the next few weeks/months...

1. Get a doctor.

Neither of us have a doctor.

I have never had a doctor (seriously, never), and Steve has not had one in years.

We both getting older, and it is time to get an actual doctor.

2. Involved with no. 1 is to get us both on the same insurance,

we are already on our way to this one.

3. Find someplace to volunteer on a semi-regular basis.

We would both love to do this, but don't know where to start.

Unfortunately neither of our schedules are regular enough to say that one

Saturday a month we will be at ______________

That is what happens when you are a firefighter and an event coordinator.

Neither of those things have respect for weekends.

If anyone has any ideas about where we should volunteer, let me know...

4. Get into better shape.

We bought an elliptical, we were given a Wii as a wedding present,

so we purchased Wii Fit (pretty cool).

5. Start wedding scrap booking, and yes, Steve is helping me with this.

Now we just need inspiration and ability...

6. Save more money

The wedding is over, we both work full time.

No more excuses.

I think that is about it for now. I'll let you know what kind of progress we are making.

Change

When I moved home from living in Redding I bought a Jedidah (skate brand) t-shirt. The t-shirt said: The Winds of Change are Always Blowing

I bought the shirt because it really spoke to my heart when I saw it. This may sound weird or lame to some of you, but it truly spoke to me.

It has been years since I purchased this shirt. However, it has been in my mind a lot this last weekend. Things are changing in my life once again. It is not even the whole marriage things, that has changed my life, slightly, but mostly we are still exactly what we were before we were married.

Things are changing. I am slightly anxious about these changes. Mostly I am aware, and I walk confidently forward into the future.

Wedding Pictures, Part 5 (Reception)

This is after the first dance, our beautiful ending pose...

Cleaning cake off of his face after feeding it to him.

This is just before the toast got started. It also show my rad cake in the foreground. A friend carved the topper, and Steve made all of the rounds. Very cool.

I am not exactly sure at what point during the evening this took place, but it is a funny random picture.

For those who would like to see all 500+ pictures from the evening go here: http://steveandcelestewedding.shutterfly.com

To everyone else, hope you have enjoyed the few I have shown you. It truly was a magical day.

Wedding Pictures, Part 4 (Coffill Park Ceremony)

Well, the officially husband and wife hours before, the second ceremony first kiss, if you know what I mean

While passing us down the ring (Steve's not mine) it fell to the ground below the stairs. My nephew Jeshua found it, so I am giving him a hi-five here after he found the ring.

My good friend Ashley performing the second ceremony.

Steve celebrating with his dad in the background. I don't think I have ever seen him do this, and I am glad we got it in photo form so that I actually got to see it.

Wedding Pictures, Part 3 (aka Catholic Ceremony)

The Catholic Ceremony. Here is everyone in the wedding (from left to right): Rob, Caleb, Jeff M., Jeff B (Steve's bro), Steve, Me, Amber, Michaelyn, Heather and Brook. (No kids in this pic, I will post one of all of the kids later)

Steve and I after the Catholic Ceremony.

Walking back down the aisle after officially becoming, "man and wife."

The first official kiss as husband and wife.

I have more pictures to post, but no time today, so it will probably happen tomorrow. I hope you enjoy what is up there so far.

Wedding Pictures, Part 2

All of these pictures were taken at my dad and Heidi's house, once again, before the wedding.

I will now, forever, be a redneck since I was driven up to the wedding in a backhoe. It is still one of my favorite things about the wedding though.

My brother and sisters with their kids. Left to right: Caleb (brother) and Brayden (his son), me, Jenica is below me, my nephew Jo, Sister Michaelyn, nephew Jeshua, Amber (sister), and her son Bradley.

One more pic of the family.

Me and Steve, I think this picture is awesome. I have about ten of these where I am trying to not laugh because he was totally breathing on my neck the whole time.

Wedding Pictures, Part 1

These pictures were all taken at my work on the morning of the wedding. It is because of all of these (plus many more) that I had to get my butt out of bed at 6am on the morning of the wedding. Really could not have asked for a more perfect day, especially in January.

Two and a half weeks down, the rest of my life to go

Got back from the honeymoon in Cancun on Monday, and finally back to work today, ugh.

I wish I had lots of fun and clever pictures to post here from the honeymoon, and believe me, we took many... They are not posted today because on the last night in Cancun the camera was lost, most likely for forever. Very, very sad. So, here are some descriptions about pictures that should be here, but unfortunately will probably never be seen by an English speaking person again.

First Pic: Here I am with a beer in one hand holding up my watch. My watch says 8. It is 8am and we are in first class (a honeymoon splurge) and decided to a have a beer to get the honeymoon going. Steve was so proud...

Second Pic: Our beautiful room overlooking the ocean. Look there in the corner, that is our spa tub for two that was out on the deck. It was wonderful.

Third Pic: This was taken on his birthday, Feb. 11th. It is both of our favorite day from the honeymoon. This is from when we went out to a wonderful dinner at a restaurant that I cannot pronounce. It was awesome though. Earlier this day we had some excellent fish tacos in Isla Mujeres at a restaurant that I did not even look at the name... I am wearing by beautiful green skirt and a black tube top, he is wearing dress pants and a long sleeve blue button up shirt, in case you were wondering.

Fourth Pic: This is our last night in Cancun. It is also Valentine's Day. This is a big deal because it is the first time in our relationship (pre or post marriage) that we have been together on the actual day, February 14th. I am wearing my new favorite dress from bebe. We went on a pirate cruise ship and ate lobster.

You might actually see a picture from this, because when we realized we lost the camera I made him not change when we got back to the hotel and we grabbed the cheap under-water camera we bought and had the guy at the front desk take a picture of us, since it was so late no one else was around. It will be another week before me, or anyone else sees those pictures though.

Other than losing the camera the honeymoon was completely wonderful, well, I wish it would have been a little longer too, but, oh well. I am sure you are all completely intrigued by all of my descriptions... Man do I have a way with the English language. I am sure I probably would have posted a miscellaneous picture of us on the beach or by the pool, but none of those are sticking out in my mind enough to describe them at all, other than, this is me and Steve by the pool (or beach).

For those interested, I just got the disk with all of the pictures from the wedding. Unfortunately, the disk drive on my computer at work is not working, and I only have dial-up at home. So, until I get to a coffee shop or some other place with high-speed internet access with my laptop you will have to anxiously wait. When I finally do post them, I am sure it will include a link to shutterfly or snapfish so that they will all be viewable (there are about 500+).

W-Day Wrap-Up Part 1

This is the first picture I have seen of the wedding day. This is at about 9am when Steve and I were heading off to take pictures. I think I got about 15 minutes sleep the night before.

A few W-Day Highlights for those who missed it:

Staying at the B&B

Being able to have the ceremony at Coffil Park

Driving up in a Backhoe

The ring dropping at the Park

The Unity Candle not lighting

Steve telling everyone that he spanks me (hilarious and humiliating)

Steve holding back the tears during the catholic ceremony

Steve's parents during the reception

Sharing a glass of wine and some hummus with Steve while taking out 100+ bobby pins out of my hair after everyone else had gone to bed

Steve calling me Mrs. Baran as we were going to bed

A thousand other little moments in between them all

It was a completely wonderful day. I have no regrets with any of it. More pictures will be posted once I get them. I am so thankful that we have the week of normal life before the honeymoon in Cancun. I can't imagine it any other way. We had more time to visit with friends and family that we rarely get to see, as well as get all of the gifts situated and clean the house, so it is homey when we get home, instead of a disaster area like it has been all week.

What does one do...

When they are getting married in three days, well, I am at work (unfortunately). I can only afford to take of so much time off...

I am losing sleep, and when I am sleeping it is really wierd and crazy dreams about the wedding. I am losing sleep out of nervousness that I have forgotten to do something.

Short version of my schedule:

Tonight-in-laws get into town. Dinner with my dad, step-mom, Steve's parents, and, of course, Steve and myself.

Tomorrow- Get the keys to the opera hall in am, go get mani's and pedi's after that with some of the ladies, cook dinner for Steve's Texas family at my sister-in-laws house, more time with my ladies after that.

Friday- Decorate hall in am, and the rehearsal in pm with the rehearsal dinner following.

Saturday- Up at 6, ready by 8:30 or 9. Pictures until 1:30, 1st wedding at 2, 2nd wedding at 5, Party the night away.

Sunday-Cleaning hall in am, Steve wants to open presents after that, but I am not as committed as he is, super bowl party with anyone that is left in town.

So that is it in a nut-shell, and all of this is why I probably won't post again until next week. There are about a thousand small errands I have to do in-between everything else. I still don't know how someone is supposed to savor the moment in the midst of all the other chaos, hopefully I will have it figured out by the end though. Well, wish me luck.

A Vote

This is A. This is the second hair style that my sister-in-law did on my hair for wedding prep. This is the hairstyle my sister-in-law and little sister like. I should say that either way the bun is done, the swirly hair clip (below) is going to be on the side of my head, not in the back center.

This is B. This is what gave me hope that my sister-in-law could do my hair for the wedding. They also want to do little diamond pins around the curly bun either way. So, what do you think, A or B?

Today

I keep going through all of my lists, my calendar, and my mind trying to think of if I have forgotten anything. I don't think I have, but I just don't know for sure.

I was also wondering if Obama was counting down the days until he was sworn in... That one I will probably never know. At least if I have missed anything it will turn up, now, W-Day, or never.

An Angel

Today marks 15 days until W-Day. That is just an FYI for those keeping tabs.

Yesterday a friend came over for dinner who used to be a wedding planner. She offered to help a while ago and I was kind of slacking on giving her a call. I saw her at a retirement party this last weekend, and finally set-up the dinner appointment.

My plan was to just have her tell people when to walk down the aisle and stuff like that, since I have no one and I have done 98% of the planning of this blessed event (the firefighter likes to claim the other two percent). I printed up the wedding weekend schedule and was running over the whole thing with her, as well as the plan for the actual ceremony.

Her first question- If I have any vendors that are slacking that she needs to call up and give them a what-for....

My response- Are you seriously going to be the jerk for me on the wedding (in my mind Praise the Lord)

She then offered to do way more than I expected, including figure out the best way to set up the room for the reception to have the most seats/comfortably/without to many paths crossing...

After that she realized that Steve and I will be assisting with the clean-up the day after the wedding. This was unacceptable to her, and she has taken it upon herself to find a few more people, in the midst of the people who have already been coerced into doing it, to help with the cause so that we don't have to.

At this point, I could have kissed her.

This angel of mine is going to make the W-Day go a thousand times smoother, and has already taken a pile of stress of my shoulders that was exponentially building by the day.

Are you getting nervous yet?

This is a question that I am already getting tired of. My usual response is that, "I try not to think about it." It is not me just putting people off because I am getting tired of the question, it is also currently me method for dealing with any nervousness that comes my way. Part of me feels like this is a juvenile response by myself to the stress of getting married, the other part says, "Well, it's working." The way I see it, we already live together, and we have for a while. Nothing in my life is going to change, other than my last name, and that is something that is totally different, and worthy of a separate post. So, if nothing is going to change, at least for the time being, and I am happy with my life the way it is now, why should I fret?

Probably nearly as often, but for a lot longer, people have also been asking "Are you excited?" My sarcastic response would be something along the lines of, "Do you think I would be getting married if I were not..." The truth is, I am not excited. When I tell (a few) people this, they begin to rationalize with me. "Oh, you will be when it gets closer..." "Well, at least you are smiling..." I am really OK with not being excited about it. As Ms. B.e.A. says, "I am happy," and you know what, I am happy. Life is good. I think I got so caught up in the beginning with the idea of being engaged and the idea of getting married that it almost got the best of me. If we were to start planning it all over tomorrow, I don't think I would do a lot different, but I would do a few things differently. Things that would, perhaps, alleviate some stress now.

It is kind of funny, my firefighter and I were talking the other day about getting married, and it has almost become a means to an end at this point. Don't be fooled, we love each other, truly, madly, deeply. The wedding at this point just makes the love we have had for each other for years more official in the eyes of many, and for that, and many other reasons, I am happy to be getting married.

For the sake of peace...

My firefighter, does most of the cooking these days. Why? He gets home anywhere between one and three hours before I do most nights. He also does most of the dishes. Why? Because after being gone 11 or 12 hours and only having an hour or two of down time dishes is not the highest priority on my list, plus, he gets home way before me, as mentioned before...

Last night we had my pastors over for dinner. They are helping out with the ceremony and have never really got to know the firefighter. I did do the dishes the night before so it would all be clean, and the firefighter could get right to cooking... However, he did the majority of the work for what turned into my company. He served dinner, cleared the table, served dessert, made coffee... He was a wonderful host. I sat and visited and did none of the work.

I could tell he was frustrated by how the whole evening turned out, and he made a snide comment about me doing the dishes before we went to bed. So, this morning I set my alarm clock for extra early, so I could get up and do dishes before I went to work. I was done with the dishes before he even got out of bed. My point being, this morning for the sake of peace, I got up extra early and did dishes. He was impressed with how well I know him. I told him that knowing him so well is messing with my sleeping schedule.

When I go home tonight now, whatever time that may be, there will not be an argument waiting for me. Totally worth it.

A Picture

This is my niece Jenica (who is also the only flower girl in my wedding) taking a picture of me, and my sisters Amber and Michaelyn. This picture was provided courtesy of my step-sister Hope. I think this picture is great, and I just wanted to share it with all of you. According to theknot.com it is 26 days until the wedding, just to keep everyone posted on that front as well. My calendar is starting to fill up with everything that I have to do in the next month. There is time, I am just trying to not overwhelm myself with it all. I tried on my dress on Saturday after it got altered and it fits perfectly, now they are going to press it and I will pick it up the day before the wedding. I could bore you all with the details of everyone I have to meet with in the next month, but it really is boring, even for me and it is my wedding.